Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Not sure where to keep going

There has been so much going on lately. We have had two trips to the ER with our youngest. One for a busted lip that required stitches, another because he thought his daddys medicine was candy. Both times were traumatizing for me and I am sure for Cole. Just yesterday while Cole should have been napping, he must have climbed his chest of drawers dresser and ended up tipping it on himself. He has a busted up face, a black eye and scratches and bruises all over his face. He thinks he is a little monkey I swear. Not only do we have all this going on with Cole, we have Child Protective Services breathing down our neck because of his lip being busted the stupid ARMY hospital called them and now we are being investigated. We have NEVER done anything to harm our children intentionally. My kids are my entire heart and I could not imagine anyone ever hurting them, and I hurt at the thought of someone thinking that we would do such. When Child Protective Services showed up I was upset, and although they said they are going to close out our case because there is “obviously nothing happening here” we are still in the system now. We also are trying to prepare for Tim’s upcoming deployment in 6 weeks, I have school, we may have to move, our kids are getting hurt. I feel like I am fixing to lose my mind. We have so much on our plate and more and more keeps piling up and I am ready for a break. Right when I think we are about to make it through and be stronger and happier than ever something else happens. There is a lot of weight on my shoulders right now because on top of all that my husbands unit is looking at us as high risk because of all the incidents that have been happening. I know that I should not care about how people look at us or what people must be thinking or whispering, but in reality if I was outside this situation I would probably pass judgment. Even though we are not guilty of anything but having a crazy past few weeks and crazy kids lol, but you don’t want people to assume you guilty of stuff you didn’t do. I am actually to the point of being angry over all of it because if the Army hospital didn’t have to report everything on everyone we wouldn’t be in this situation. I am just so done with all this craziness, I just want to enjoy the beautiful world and family I have without all of this. I want to get a good nights sleep without worrying what tomorrow will bring to me…i want to just enjoy what time I have with my husband left then have all this traumatizing stuff lol. I am staying strong but there are some moments where I just go “Seriously…WTF”


And So it is