Thursday, July 22, 2010
I have been thinking about a lot lately though, about how much we do deal with on the homefront, and the resources that are there. However, I do find that most spouses do not take advantage of the resources, either because they do not know that they are there, or because they just choose not to partake in the resources. I am a guilty party in the last deployment. I felt guilty for taking part in the daycare resource, I felt guilty for leaving my children at a daycare, however this deployment I am trying to partake in the resources that are available. I have only taken my kids to daycare this deployment so far once. However, they love it and I plan to take them more often and use my free hours. We all need a break, allow ourselves to take care of ourselves, because if we are not taking care of ourselves, we are not a hundred percent giving ourselves to other including our children. I am a person and almost to a fault who will give more to other than I do myself ( I can't say no lol), and I realize I really do need to start taking care of myself! So if any army wife reads this, please either email me or comment and I will get you a list of different resources that are out there, and please make sure to take care of yourself, you will notice a huge difference in yourself, you will be so much happier; I will guarantee it!
On to another note. I am a huge five finger death punch fan. And I found this video and thought I would share! Enjoy =)
Friday, July 16, 2010
As of June 19th, 2010, my husband deployed to Afghanistan is what is his third deployment. Our children realize that daddy is gone, but they think that he is up on a helicopter just flying around Fort Hood lol. So whenever an Army helicopter flies overhead he screams so loud HELICOPTER!! HI DADDY!! YOU COME BACK NOW?? It is so sweet in the innocence that children use, but also heartbreaking for me to see how much children miss their daddy. Somehow I am coping with this deployment a lot better than our first deployment. I think you learn to know what to expect from a deployment, and you realize that you have no choice, but to go on and survive. It hurts like hell, but you have to do your husband proud, be strong for your children, and live because you have no other option. I have days where I cry, I have days where I feel like this will never end, why must we keep doing this, etc, etc. However, I know that what my husband is doing is important and I am proud of him for doing so. I am actually proud of myself for the way I am handling this deployment, but yes I am very lonely and very sad and missing my husband every day.
I am taking my first vacation with my kids for the first time, and we are going back to my home town of Chicago, Illinois. I am so excited because it will be the first time that I have been home in over 6 years and it is also the first time I will be taking a vacation with my kids. I am nervous for the kids part, but very excited to show them soooo much and enjoy being home!
I also recently got into Penn State University and will be attending their World Campus program and I am super excited about that!
Sometimes you just have to ride the waves of life, and love for what is handed to you. With all the bullshit comes happiness as well. You choose how to weather the storm and how you come out at the end. You choose to play the victim.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
There has been so much going on lately. We have had two trips to the ER with our youngest. One for a busted lip that required stitches, another because he thought his daddys medicine was candy. Both times were traumatizing for me and I am sure for Cole. Just yesterday while Cole should have been napping, he must have climbed his chest of drawers dresser and ended up tipping it on himself. He has a busted up face, a black eye and scratches and bruises all over his face. He thinks he is a little monkey I swear. Not only do we have all this going on with Cole, we have Child Protective Services breathing down our neck because of his lip being busted the stupid ARMY hospital called them and now we are being investigated. We have NEVER done anything to harm our children intentionally. My kids are my entire heart and I could not imagine anyone ever hurting them, and I hurt at the thought of someone thinking that we would do such. When Child Protective Services showed up I was upset, and although they said they are going to close out our case because there is “obviously nothing happening here” we are still in the system now. We also are trying to prepare for Tim’s upcoming deployment in 6 weeks, I have school, we may have to move, our kids are getting hurt. I feel like I am fixing to lose my mind. We have so much on our plate and more and more keeps piling up and I am ready for a break. Right when I think we are about to make it through and be stronger and happier than ever something else happens. There is a lot of weight on my shoulders right now because on top of all that my husbands unit is looking at us as high risk because of all the incidents that have been happening. I know that I should not care about how people look at us or what people must be thinking or whispering, but in reality if I was outside this situation I would probably pass judgment. Even though we are not guilty of anything but having a crazy past few weeks and crazy kids lol, but you don’t want people to assume you guilty of stuff you didn’t do. I am actually to the point of being angry over all of it because if the Army hospital didn’t have to report everything on everyone we wouldn’t be in this situation. I am just so done with all this craziness, I just want to enjoy the beautiful world and family I have without all of this. I want to get a good nights sleep without worrying what tomorrow will bring to me…i want to just enjoy what time I have with my husband left then have all this traumatizing stuff lol. I am staying strong but there are some moments where I just go “Seriously…WTF”
And So it is
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Its Shakespeare's sonnet 16:
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
and the only words I have are the words from a song called Breakeven by The Script...."Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even."
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Just don't forget to keep loving me the way you would want to be loved....
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Some women simply can not handle the army life, you have the cheaters and the wives who run off with the extra money and spends it all because that is how they deal with their pain. You have the ones who would rather not deal with the pain over and over with every deployment so their marriages fail. The divorce rate is about 70% in the military. It is not easy, and it takes the best of us to be that 30%. Now do not let me fool you, I do have my moments, sometimes I do fight with my husband because I find myself it is easier to fight with him because I miss him and want him home than to cry and throw a temper tantrum so to speak. In reality, there really is nothing that we can do about it. I love my husband, I loved him and knew he was the one for me from our first date. I could not imagine my life without him and he feels the same way about me (I think haha). We whether each and every storm together and somehow pull out stronger every time. Sometimes I get scared about losing him and us not making it through this army term, but I know that as long as we have love and we stay strong and positive for each other and our children that is the best that we can do. Love is simply something that just does not go away, you have to work at it everyday, and sometimes it sucks, but when you look back 5 years later (how long we are almost been married) we have made it through and we are happier than ever. We have built a family, a home(a house is what you make it), survived a deployment, field training, and other training that has taken him away from home. If we can survive that we can survive anything!!
like I was saying. This blog is a way for me to keep a sort of diary without having to write in a book, and I cant write as fast as I can type so my thoughts are here faster lol (Does that make sense?).
Looking forward to sharing more,