Thursday, July 22, 2010

Another Day

So here we are with a month down, and I have become a little bit more of complacent with the way things are going. Some days go a little bit more slowly than I would like. I think that it is because I am not in school, my vacation is still two weeks away, I am not working, and mostly I have just been sitting at home. Last deployment I would look at the deployment in days, however, this deployment I look at the deployment in weeks; or trash days. And then I look at it in months. 12 months is an easier pill to swallow than a 365 day pill. My kids are still adjusting. We are having about two to three wake ups in the middle of the night from each child, so I am exhausted. I will not complain, because what I do through is hard; by far yes it is hard. However, the hardest part is what my husband is going through and his soldiers. I am blessed to have my bed to sleep in every night, even with how lonely it is. I am blessed to get to hug and kiss on my kids. I am blessed to get in my car and drive to the store. These things my husband does not get to do. I do however get to deal with the constant fighting the kids do, and get to deal with the discipline (insert laughter here haha). That part I could deal without, lol.

I have been thinking about a lot lately though, about how much we do deal with on the homefront, and the resources that are there. However, I do find that most spouses do not take advantage of the resources, either because they do not know that they are there, or because they just choose not to partake in the resources. I am a guilty party in the last deployment. I felt guilty for taking part in the daycare resource, I felt guilty for leaving my children at a daycare, however this deployment I am trying to partake in the resources that are available. I have only taken my kids to daycare this deployment so far once. However, they love it and I plan to take them more often and use my free hours. We all need a break, allow ourselves to take care of ourselves, because if we are not taking care of ourselves, we are not a hundred percent giving ourselves to other including our children. I am a person and almost to a fault who will give more to other than I do myself ( I can't say no lol), and I realize I really do need to start taking care of myself! So if any army wife reads this, please either email me or comment and I will get you a list of different resources that are out there, and please make sure to take care of yourself, you will notice a huge difference in yourself, you will be so much happier; I will guarantee it!

On to another note. I am a huge five finger death punch fan. And I found this video and thought I would share! Enjoy =)

Friday, July 16, 2010

Wow its been a long time

I have been using my Windows Live Writer to send short blogs in, to just now realize that they were not being posted! There are so many things to be written so lets just dive in, and lets see if I can manage to keep this thing going.

As of June 19th, 2010, my husband deployed to Afghanistan is what is his third deployment. Our children realize that daddy is gone, but they think that he is up on a helicopter just flying around Fort Hood lol. So whenever an Army helicopter flies overhead he screams so loud HELICOPTER!! HI DADDY!! YOU COME BACK NOW?? It is so sweet in the innocence that children use, but also heartbreaking for me to see how much children miss their daddy. Somehow I am coping with this deployment a lot better than our first deployment. I think you learn to know what to expect from a deployment, and you realize that you have no choice, but to go on and survive. It hurts like hell, but you have to do your husband proud, be strong for your children, and live because you have no other option. I have days where I cry, I have days where I feel like this will never end, why must we keep doing this, etc, etc. However, I know that what my husband is doing is important and I am proud of him for doing so. I am actually proud of myself for the way I am handling this deployment, but yes I am very lonely and very sad and missing my husband every day.

I am taking my first vacation with my kids for the first time, and we are going back to my home town of Chicago, Illinois. I am so excited because it will be the first time that I have been home in over 6 years and it is also the first time I will be taking a vacation with my kids. I am nervous for the kids part, but very excited to show them soooo much and enjoy being home!

I also recently got into Penn State University and will be attending their World Campus program and I am super excited about that!

Sometimes you just have to ride the waves of life, and love for what is handed to you. With all the bullshit comes happiness as well. You choose how to weather the storm and how you come out at the end. You choose to play the victim.

Until again=)